It's late, but the cold of the night keeps me awake, suddenly my mind flashes back. Some new status in the facebook popping out in this cold friday nite, and it just knocked my head, really hard. Once again I realizing, how things are changing, nothings last forever. Specially human. And not one of us able to prevent it. What we have is only, a good old memories...
The status update is...more or less about friendship.
Once I felt it so close and almost like brotherhood, but now I don't even knew whether I remembered as part of it or not. I don't know is it because of me or just them, that make this not working as it used to be. I've done my part to fix it (at least according to my understanding, and I'm sure it's more that obvious for them to notice my actions). I've seen some of them also trying the same, even thou not all. But I don't know, is it a sincere or just bull crap to make conversation, it's just not working as used to be anymore...is it only some bullshit crap talk that they do to me? I truly don't know, but I believe my desire are sincere. I realize the needs of making friends, that's why I've tried to keep it wholeheartedly. But to bad I can't read their thought, is it the same like me or not.
I realize, ego is playing the biggest part on each of us, that's why I've tried to make it up first, I believe I've lowered my ego more than needed but still no respond. I think I just have to accept the reality of life, that friends come and go, sometimes when our interest are the same, then we can be like great friends. But when the interest are shifted/changing/not the same anymore, than we just...a friend, period. No matter how many contributions or sacrifices that you already done in the past to keep the friendship strong, when the interest are shifted...It makes no different.
One thing that keep me amaze, seem the taoism principal about yin and yang are working perfectly, balancing our life between yin and yang. When one of your side losses something, our subconscious seem forcing us to fill in the gap with other things, until its find the balances. That's really amaze me, how I can willingly to find a new friends without any comments, and its flowing pretty much not like when I've friends, seem like getting boost from our own subconscious. Yes, I've a new group of friends now, and it was fun, its different but still enjoyable. But I still waiting to be accepted as used to be and in any other groups also. Because I treasure friendship. A lot.
so this bring us to part 2 about friendship...
