Forgetting Your Ex's

Relationship are integral part of our life, most of the people at least experiencing it, and most of them also experiencing a high tide in relationship, and often ended with breakup. After that usually we will facing a phase when we need to put the past and move on by trying to put an end our past comfort that we used to have it, and starting to back in reality of single life. Often, we're having trouble on how we able to move on, or don't have a clue how to start.

I've my own experience with this kind of matters, I'm not saying that mine is good, but at least can give you a different perspective when dealing with this matters. Some people find it weird but at least I can try to explained with reasons, to make it more make sense. Than you can decide.

Friends - Part 1

They are maybe the most influence-able people after your parent when you starting to grow up. The most powerful in shaping your decision, attitude, even your believe. There are so many different kind of friends in this world, some trusted, some wholehearted, some other tricky, some other only "friends with benefit", so many kinds and so many different intentions...I'm not going to talk about the plus/minus point of having a friends or determining which one is most faithful and useful to become your trusted friends, because there's no such formula to determine that and there's too many chain mail about friendship that I'm sure you already read about it some. But at least I like to talk about the reality of being friends/friendly, or maybe in general being social creatures. Maybe I like to share some of my experience with friends (of course no subject/name to be mention for the sake of privacy) and some conclusions that I've made about friends. Of course this is only representing my views not the worlds class scientific views, but at least I tried to be neutral and give the best balance as I can.

So here's some point that I like to highlight...

Friends - Part 2

It's late, but the cold of the night keeps me awake, suddenly my mind flashes back. Some new status in the facebook popping out in this cold friday nite, and it just knocked my head, really hard. Once again I realizing, how things are changing, nothings last forever. Specially human. And not one of us able to prevent it. What we have is only, a good old memories...

The status update is...more or less about friendship.

Once I felt it so close and almost like brotherhood, but now I don't even knew whether I remembered as part of it or not. I don't know is it because of me or just them, that make this not working as it used to be. I've done my part to fix it (at least according to my understanding, and I'm sure it's more that obvious for them to notice my actions). I've seen some of them also trying the same, even thou not all. But I don't know, is it a sincere or just bull crap to make conversation, it's just not working as used to be anymore...is it only some bullshit crap talk that they do to me? I truly don't know, but I believe my desire are sincere. I realize the needs of making friends, that's why I've tried to keep it wholeheartedly. But to bad I can't read their thought, is it the same like me or not.

I realize, ego is playing the biggest part on each of us, that's why I've tried to make it up first, I believe I've lowered my ego more than needed but still no respond. I think I just have to accept the reality of life, that friends come and go, sometimes when our interest are the same, then we can be like great friends. But when the interest are shifted/changing/not the same anymore, than we just...a friend, period. No matter how many contributions or sacrifices that you already done in the past to keep the friendship strong, when the interest are shifted...It makes no different.

One thing that keep me amaze, seem the taoism principal about yin and yang are working perfectly, balancing our life between yin and yang. When one of your side losses something, our subconscious seem forcing us to fill in the gap with other things, until its find the balances. That's really amaze me, how I can willingly to find a new friends without any comments, and its flowing pretty much not like when I've friends, seem like getting boost from our own subconscious. Yes, I've a new group of friends now, and it was fun, its different but still enjoyable. But I still waiting to be accepted as used to be and in any other groups also. Because I treasure friendship. A lot.

so this bring us to part 2 about friendship...

Soe Hok Gie

 

I knew his history from a film called "GIE" (link). Can't remember how many times I have watched this movie, but it's keep linger in my head. A minority with extraordinaire idealism, a true and pure activist with no sides, a man with vision bigger and higher than any others. Understand and aware of reality that's always can bites you back. A pure thinker at his time. Simply a rebel.

Official trailer of this movie :

This film tells about history of a man named Soe Hok Gie, an ordinary chinese descent who born and lives in Jakarta, in the era of dictatorship of Soekarno, the 1st president of Indonesia. Even in early ages he's a rebellion, in this film tells he even argue with his teacher and stand for his idealism only for a small things, that sometimes people don't really care about. At that time teachers was always right but he denied even it's lead him to retake the school year. He's like to read, hence widening his perspective. In this film also tells about his contribution and his work influencing the people through his writing when he was in the college, and a bit of his personal life, his view, and how he suffer for still holding on his idealism when other people just simply following the trends.

Some references regarding Soe Hok Gie

• Soe, Hok Gie (1983) (in Indonesian), Catatan Seorang Demonstran, Jakarta: Lembaga Penelitian, Pendidikan dan Penerangan Ekonomi dan Sosial. 
• Soe, Hok Gie (1990) (in Indonesian), Di Bawah Lentera Merah: Riwayat Sarekat Islam Semarang, 1917–1920, Jakarta: Frantz Fanon Foundation. 
• Soe, Hok Gie (1995) (in Indonesian), Zaman Peralihan, Yogyakarta: Yayasan Bentang Budaya. 
• Soe, Hok Gie (1997) (in Indonesian), Orang-orang di Persimpangan Kiri Jalan: Kisah Pemberontakan Madiun 1948, Yogyakarta: Yayasan Bentang Budaya, ISBN 978-979-8793-31-8.

• Anderson, Ben (April 1970), "In Memoriam: Soe Hok-Gie", Indonesia 9: 225–227, ISSN 0019-7289, http://cip.cornell.edu/seap.indo/1107140696. 
• Maxwell, John (2001) (in Indonesian), Soe Hok-Gie: Pergulatan Intelektual Muda Melawan Tirani, Jakarta: Pustaka Utama Grafiti, ISBN 978-979-444-422-1.  Translated from Maxwell, John (1997). Soe Hok-Gie: A Biography of a Young Indonesian Intellectual. (Ph.D. thesis). Australian National University. OCLC 223012031.
• Jahja, H. Junus (2002) (in Indonesian), Peranakan Idealis: Dari Lie Eng Hok sampai Teguh Karya, Jakarta: Kepustakaan Populer Gramedia, ISBN 978-979-9023-84-1. 
• Suryadinata, Leo (1995), Prominent Indonesian Chinese: Biographical Sketches (3rd ed.), Singapore: Institute of Southeast Asian Studies, ISBN 978-981-3055-04-9.

There's a lot of quotes in this film that I really likes. Simply because his quote are logical, rational, based on the reality. these are a few that I like to remember.

Ibu

Hari ini...ya hari ini, sebuah tamparan keras baru saja kuterima. Akan lebih mudah kuterima kalau itu sebuah tamparan yang memerahkan pipi dan menyakitkan kulit wajahku. Sungguh sakit harus kuterima namun bukanlah di kulit, melainkan di hati. Tetap lebih mudah apabila itu hanya dari seorang yang kau anggap pasangan yang akan menemani hidupmu selamanya. Namun bukan...

Hari ini, tiba-tiba saja hilang rasa ku untuk menikmati indahnya melepas minggu. Seperti pada biasanya aku menikmati meninggalkan rutinitas hidup, sekedar untuk berpaling dari realita dan menikmati asyiknya masa muda. Rasanya ingin aku melupakan permasalahan ini dan kembali bercanda dengan teman teman, seperti pada biasanya aku melepas permasalahan yang terjadi dalam rutinitas hidup. Namun kembali rasa muak muncul dan aku kembali memikirkannya. Ini bukan seperti biasanya...

Tidak seperti biasanya, aku yang selalu mempunyai formula atau nasihat buat permasalahan yang ku hadapai, atau bahkan permasalahan² mereka yang mau menceritakannya padaku. Tidak jarang aku merasa permasalahan mereka akan mudah terselesaikan oleh nasihat ku. Tapi tidak untuk yang ini...aku sungguh bingung.