Sunday, June 05, 2011

Friends - Part 1

They are maybe the most influence-able people after your parent when you starting to grow up. The most powerful in shaping your decision, attitude, even your believe. There are so many different kind of friends in this world, some trusted, some wholehearted, some other tricky, some other only "friends with benefit", so many kinds and so many different intentions...I'm not going to talk about the plus/minus point of having a friends or determining which one is most faithful and useful to become your trusted friends, because there's no such formula to determine that and there's too many chain mail about friendship that I'm sure you already read about it some. But at least I like to talk about the reality of being friends/friendly, or maybe in general being social creatures. Maybe I like to share some of my experience with friends (of course no subject/name to be mention for the sake of privacy) and some conclusions that I've made about friends. Of course this is only representing my views not the worlds class scientific views, but at least I tried to be neutral and give the best balance as I can.

So here's some point that I like to highlight...

You Need A Friends
No doubt about it, that we're in fact a social being, we need to interact with others and make contacts with others. There's some experiment going on how people behaviors changed gradually after they separated by the societies, and I see it kinda disturbing. No need examining others people, just tried yourself, make yourself as comfortable as you can without any interference from your friends, I'm sure in a week tops and you'll start to missing them. So...why do I need a friends? despite of our nature as social creature?
One thing that I learn in this life that, friends is the most essentials part for determining whether you'll succeed in this world or not. It is not only your intelligent, or your attitude towards world, but also how you able to manage the network of friends of yours. Sometimes the opportunities to succeed in this world between you and others people is only separated by fact of how many people/network of friends do you have. Because is a simple common sense that the bigger your network is, the faster you get the information also. And surely they'll prefer to work with friends rather than a new person. It is not only specifically for work life, but also in daily life. Lets say if some how you need to communicate about something to convince other people, friends can be very helpful as a viral. Hence it is undoubtedly that to be survive in this world, having a friends is a part of something that you need to have as mandatory.
I've my only mother and my father past away more than 10 years ago, I see how she struggling thru day by day, she keeps telling me that the only reason for her to keep her spirit of living is because of their sons even thou we're parted by two different countries. I really feel the loneliness in her world without any friends to talk with. She's trying to make friends with others, but it just different and awkward, and sometimes make her agitated. I understand fully why she's behave like that because even my self also sometimes felt that way, its just not easy nowadays when we're already filled with all the crowd of the world or environments. I'll describe it in the next point.
I hardly to imagine, people without having friend at all in this world, because it is already our nature to continuously communicating with each other, how depressed their world would become. Because he/she will need to think about almost everything on his/her own. So we can say friends are integral part of our lives in this world, its influencing us, its break into our core of lives everyday and involving very much in our lives. I only gives you example how friends play a very big roles in our lives especially our work life. there's many others area that you can think of, but I think this one should be enough.

Get As Much Friends As You Can Since School Age
One of the most magnificent adventure in your life is school/college age. This is the time when you starting to develop your thought, attitude, personalities, and principles in life. It's one of the best time in your life because all you need to think is only have fun (and a bit of study of course Photobucket). I remember when I was in junior school, I can make friends with anybody else, regardless the race, religion, status, anything, without any expectations. As long as you and him/her have similar activities I'm sure you will connected with each other automatically. Still remember until now all my good memories of my school day, rushing home from school so can go play with my friends, never thinking of any other else than just killing time in fun with friends, laughing, fighting Photobucket, go fooling around, trying stupid things Photobucket...all that we worries about just when the sun starting to go down and starting to darken the world, and our maid starting to dragging us back home. And when we're in high school, more friends come for you. Start to learning about brotherhood, making group and stand up to defend your own school. Starting to flirting to girl friends Photobucket, expanding to experiencing different gender friendships, sharing your love stories, or even love affairs. And of course...crashing to people birthday parties even we never know who the hell she is, its one of the best time in our life indeed. But the best has yet to come...yep college life !. Partying all day all nite without afraid to wake up early tomorrow for school.
Of course, you still will met with a new friends in the work life. in fact I've one of my best experience in friendship between colleague. It's like best friends between boss and their boys, facing hard time together and have a good laugh in 24h coffee shop after overtime together. But are you realizing that your scope of friends become lesser and lesser, there's no never ending friendship.
Colleague resigning, looking for different chances in different companies or even countries, or simply because to busy with their office life that need to be taken care of everyday. Your friends from college maybe starting to having their own business or relationship to be maintained, your friends from high school or junior school maybe still like to contact you, but maybe you already move from your previous places to another, or even different countries so its getting difficult to maintain and because of your activities then you start to forget about them?. Yes,...maybe you can argue with me that you still have your childhood friends that still keep in touch with you. But I dare to bet with you that at least one of your best friend from childhood is starting to missing from your sight or contact Photobucket.
Maybe I haven't experiencing married life by the time I wrote this. But from seeing my sister life-hood or some of my friends after married (some of them are very kind to share their own married life), their time for friends are very limited, even sometimes they don't care anymore. Of course it's very understandable because maybe they already having a good new life and getting busy enjoying their new experience or simply because they have new priorities in life. And have you notice that you technically already abandon your friend, your friendship that you enjoy before. There's  no right or wrong in this case, its just reality of life...some still able to manage it, but some can't.
Given by this fact. I think you should nod your head with me when I say...the best opportunities in your life time for recruiting friends as much as you can was in your school-hood. Where only the purest kind of friendship developed since there's no hidden intentions ever need to be thought that time by you. And you start to realize that getting older of you, more hard for you to open your heart for friendship like you develop in school-hood. There's a manner that you need to consider whether suitable with your personalities or not, because at this stage, people are able to think and judge you, which lead to rejection or acceptance. Its getting harder when involving with 2 different culture, race, or religion. Sometimes even worst, you can be rejected before your attempt to make friends because of you images crafted by your other friends. Sometimes it is not your fault, simply because they also don't have time to manage a new friends.
Yes there's still possibilities (hey...nothing is certain in this world afterall Photobucket) maybe you found your truly best friends now not in your school-hood, even thou I doubt if there's no intention involved. Even if the intention is because he/she is also as lonely as you, that still as intention. And something that involving intention tend to break easily when the intention is archived and getting bored, then you are going to start looking for different alternatives.
So, by having bigger network of friend from childhood, means can give you a little assurance that the longer you will have friends in this life, can be translated as the possibilities of being afraid lonely should be lesser and easier for you to manage because you should already familiar with your friends attitude or views, no need for you to learn from scratch.          

There's No Such Thing As True Friends
Maybe in this topic, you gonna be swarming me with with alot of evidences or examples, that there is something called true friend. First we need to understand what true friends is, which criteria that able to form a friend become a true friends for you. I believe sometimes you got a chain mail regarding true friends. Some saying that true friends are loyal and honest friends, some other say trustworthy friends are the most appropriate term for true friends, some only need a continuous relationship just to be a true friends and a lot of others definition to define which one is the true friend of yours. Some times I've encounter conversation with my friends, talking about friendship and true friend, one of them even believe that because the duration of becoming your friend are longer than others, than they entitled as true friends.
I have my own stand regarding true friends. Yes, for me there's no such thing called true friends. All of them have the same degree as friends. Because if you called someone as a true friends, the bearer should have no intention at all to the caller. Meaning the connection should be far from any "needs" either it is realized or not. But if you think it again, actually you choose your friend by your own preferences, and also there's probability that you choose them because you need them, maybe because human are social being so the need of communicating with each other become a basic necessities (something that planted in your subconscious so a bit hard to be spotted). Also by labeling your friend as true friends are like labeling an imperfect human become a flawless kind of human, the expectation of course become higher and tend like "no room for error" kinda type, and usually a single glitch can make your true friends become your worse enemy just in second. Maybe my stand a bit miss oriented, so let's try to evaluate some of popular description about true friend that I got.
True friend are someone that always stand beside you when you need their support. Even thou your friend are in the middle of something that's more important than your problem, they will straightly stand beside you and letting go their activities for you Photobucket. Now let's check with the reality Photobucket, suppose you're entitled as best friend by one of your friend and you are now in the middle of signing contract of a billion dollars contract, suddenly your friend called and asking for your support. My senses telling me almost 100% you will say "please wait", or maybe easier just ignore it until you finish your own problem/deal than you'll go for your friends. Maybe you can say, wait until finish. Its still count as de-prioritizing right?. We must understand that in time, your true friend slowly have to move their own life and set (prioritizing) you not as high as before. So there's nothing eternal here, all are going to fade soon or later by time. 
I think wiser for us to just make others as friends. somebody that able to become our companion when we're need somebody to accompany us.

Some point I like to raise on 2nd part are
  1. Online friends are not friends.
  2. Who is the most faithful/true friends.
  3. Our view to maintain/manage a friendship.
  4. Let me know what you have in mind Photobucket

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