Forgetting Your Ex's

Relationship are integral part of our life, most of the people at least experiencing it, and most of them also experiencing a high tide in relationship, and often ended with breakup. After that usually we will facing a phase when we need to put the past and move on by trying to put an end our past comfort that we used to have it, and starting to back in reality of single life. Often, we're having trouble on how we able to move on, or don't have a clue how to start.

I've my own experience with this kind of matters, I'm not saying that mine is good, but at least can give you a different perspective when dealing with this matters. Some people find it weird but at least I can try to explained with reasons, to make it more make sense. Than you can decide.

Many of my friends told me or shared their experiences to me, that, the easiest way to forgetting are by having a lot of activities in your life, because at that time your mind are not idling. By doing other thing time seem pass away so fast, but you there are time that your body or mind suddenly asking for rest, and some people will starting to thinking about their ex's again. I think the most popular way is by keeping busy with activities or else find a new boyfriend/girlfriend . To bad, sometimes we're afraid to start over that soon. This can be the lowest point of your life, where you don't know what's good for you, and seem being alone is the best way.

I remember when one of my friend, almost every weekend or at least once in a week. We just take like 30-45 min dinner and after that we can just sit and talk all nite till morning, just to discuss about how to move on after a break up, I think she understand the point that I'm trying to convey, but sometimes it's easier to talk than to do it. And end up like running in circle and we meet again to discuss the same topic all over again . There's a tendencies even we're know that break up is the best way/good thing, we're still missing the good times when we spent together with our partner, and tend to forget about the reality of how bad he/she was. This attitude only make us drown in the ocean of dream, unrealistic dream to re-light the past, which is impossible, even if somehow you able to manage to start again the relationship with the same partner, its doesn't mean that you can get all the good time that you have in the past. I've experiencing that, trying to re-unite and re-light the old memories, but turn out become worse.

Most of the advice that I get to forgetting your ex's are by forgetting her. This idea are a bit mind-boggling for me, because as far as I know, our brain capacity are very vast, we even able to remember our childhood clearly, how we able to forget something that just happen recently just like nothing ever happen? Even when we're trying to overload our mind/brain with new activities, still not make our memory will disappear that easily. Unless somehow you brain malfunction or knocked and having an amnesia, even amnesia still able to recover and recall their memories again. I don't see there's any simple way to forgetting your ex's here, there's why a lot of my friends having difficulties even thou sometimes they saying that they already overcome this.

I remember a teaching about how to overcome your fear, when you're in the situation where you need to take a decision but you're too afraid to take it, might because you don't know the result or because you're already to comfy with the current situation, and you'll end up just standing there without any progress. The only way to overcome are to start taking step and face it. I remember when I used to force myself to walk down the stairs and passing a dark living room just to go to toilet every night. Yes the sensation are unbearable, not to mention the noise comes up from night animal. But after you pass though, suddenly just nothing, empty. Since then I like to challenge myself, experiencing new adventures, I'm not saying all will end up with success or happy ending. A lot of them also ended with fail, super fail, even fail and embarrassment , but is it something that we need to "care" of ? meaning, is it embarrassment something that we need to make it big deal? a deal breaker so you better avoid it? Not for me.

Same thing for this matter, if you keep thinking and trying to avoid remembering her/him. It only end up with stress and burden for you, because you forcing you brain to having amnesia , which is ridiculous for me to think like that. So since avoiding is not an option, then how? find the opposite way of avoiding. Why don't we try to just face it?. Facing our own fear is the best way to overcome our own fear. Since you also can't avoid it why don't we try to just face it . Its the most logical way to overcome it since that is the only choice left. But how do we face it?. Its not easy to facing their own fear, sometimes for this case (relationship case), its not only to facing our own fear, but also fear from our friends/close friends/families/etc. Because they might thinking that you aren't able to overcome your past, or dwelling in never ending sadness. So right attitude toward facing our own fear also needed.

What kind of attitude that we need to use in this case? what is the best?. I'm sure there's no so called "one fits all" solutions for this, but the easiest and the most common sense is based on the quote that we must enjoy whatever we do now. Because if we enjoy it, you'll never notice how fast time pass. There's a possibilities that you might remember a good things/good times with your ex, its should be easy to be handle but what if you remember the bad things also? well, just think how silly you are when you do mistake and laughing at it as it is a joke of your life. The more you can embrace the fact that you have memories, you do mistakes or good deeds in your relationship, its helps you to understand life as a whole, its makes you more mature in facing the future. That you already live your life, it is also a pretty good experiences to understand that there's no so called perfect life in this world, it could be a valuable experiences in you life also. I'm sure you have some memories with your ex's having dinner in some romantic place, do we need to avoid it to the rest of you life? why don't we just enjoy it? re-enact what happen that time, how romantic both of you together, or the fight after that romantic dinner. Its like you watching your own movie . It's also a good time to really judged ourselves whether you are right or wrong more clearly (since no more emotion involved this time). Some people might think that you can't move on from your past, because you keep lingering with your memories. Well, nobody can ensure that you're moved on except your self. This is the part that makes people think differently after all that you done.

This is the part that we need to do it after you have all your excitement remembering your ex's. Its a part to go back to reality. A part when we must understand that all of that excitement was just a past, something that cannot be reached again since we life in present and moving to the future. This is a part that we need to understand that even if you put the same actor (eg: you back with your ex's) the stories will still be different. Because people changes every seconds. When you realize that, I believe that you can escape from the memories. Basically it's all under your brain control, and how you can control your brain is by stuffing all the information/fact needed to justify your action, and you can slowly moved on. It's not an easy task but the key is in "your thought". Who understand best on how to control your thought are yourself.

I hope my writing/experience can be useful for other, feel free to comment below.